Take a breath, take it deep
Calm yourself, he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take a gun, and count to three
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go….
When Rihanna released Russian Roulette, there was a slight uproar regarding the lyrics dark undertones. Many people associated the track with suicide (it IS a lethal game) and didn’t care for it, but when I heard it, I instantly fell in love with it. Not because I’m sadistic and into sick shit like that (sorry but if that game was ever presented to me, I would promptly super punch you and ask you to forget you knew me), but because I viewed it as an interesting metaphor for taking a chance on love.
Think about it.
Just about everyone on this planet is in search of everlasting love. It doesn’t matter if your happily ever after includes a white dress/gold band, or just someone you can grow old with ala Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell; most of us are looking for someone that we can relate to on multiple levels and spend time with. We have our preferences but as we grow, they grow and change as well. It takes time to figure out what we really want in a mate.
So we date.
Some people luck up and after only a few suitors, you meet that “one” but the majority date for years before they come across someone they are truly compatible with. As you grow, your needs and desires change: what you wanted at 21 could be completely different from what you want at 25 so for most, its trial and error. And while dating is 85% fun, feelings get hurt, walls get built, and each time you meet someone new, you’re typically more cautious than before because you’re weary of their true intentions. These days, you just never know…
Until you get that feeling. You know, the slight adrenaline rush that comes when you see them calling (this may just be a female thing lol). The flutter in your chest (butterflies or nervousness; whatever you want to call it) when you have that first kiss. You have so many thoughts running through your mind (Is this real? Why do they feel this way about me?) that you try to calculate what your next move will be so as not to make a mistake and lose it all. When you meet someone that you really like and connect with, you get a tingling sensation all over and as time progresses, you wonder if it’s for keeps. You’re talking a chance on love.
Any time you take a chance on love, you're taking a risk. You never know what the outcome will be. It's scary, and many times you can get hurt, but when you meet the right one (or ones because life happens, and people come into your life for reason, season, etc) its always worth it. But you have to be up for the challenge.
Russian Roulette anyone?
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Another year wiser
I meant to post this yesterday on my birthday but I was having a tad too much fun lol. Its kinda long (hey, I have things to cover) but oh well...:)
Aaah, another year has passed. I'm a year older (29) and, thankfully, a year wiser. Its not quite the end of the year (30 more days for that) but per my usual birthday ritual, I'm in a reflective mood. Thinking about what I've learned, what I've lost, what I've gained, how I've changed (both physically and mentally) and what's to come in the year ahead.
Career
In 2009 I've gone from working a set 8-5 "dream" job to hustling part time at 3, part by force (hello recession!) part by choice (career change) just to pay bills (yea those are just payroll. My real hustles are slowly buildling). Some days its a struggle, but I have to say, I'm happier than I've been in a while. I'd be a fool to say money isn't everything, but, when it comes to pursuing what makes you personally happy, you will gladly sacrifice a few things during your journey.2009 was the year I started the ball rolling. 2010 will be the year of execution.
Friends and Family
Everything that happened with my dad (who's still doing good btw) brought my immediate family closer together (we'd been drifting for a bit) and showed me who my friends where, both new and old. People I never would have expected to care did, and I'm eternally grateful for that (you guys know who you are). Also, I monitor the energy that comes into my life more than ever now. I'm an optimistic at heart, and can find silver lining in any dark cloud so I do my best to surround myself with people who do the same. I'm empathetic to everyones plight, however I cannot take on everyone's issues. I can feel for you, and offer advice if needed, but bc I always look towards the bigger picture, I can only feed into light. Can't do the negativity, and I will do my best to get my friends to the same. Life is so much better when you view the glass as half full instead of half empty. Watch the friends around you and pray that they view it the same way.
Dating
Um yea, still in that desert, lol. Not for lack of trying but, when you know what you want and need in a mate, its truly impossible for you to settle just bc someone thinks you're cute. I pinpointed this year that I'm most attracted to a creative man, one who's involved in music, arts, whatever, that has a passion for what they do. And they MUST, MUST, MUST have personality. A lot. Bc I have a lot. I'm truly a Sag, therefore I bore easily, so if your idea of fun is just chillin on the couch watching movies day in day out, I'm not the girl for you. I like to go out and have fun. I like to wrestle, to dance, to play games. I like an action oriented man (pause lol). Only way I'm content in doing that is if we're still having good conversation, which is another requirement. I believe in truly connecting with people (be it on a friendship or romantic level) so you must keep me engaged and be willing to be open and invest yourself beyond the superficial. I'm interested in too much to keep having the same conversations. I need more. So, until I meet someone that possesses those traits, Ill continue in the desert. I have great platonic male friends to keep me company while I wait.
Me
Hmmm. They say a woman goes through a change when she turns 30. She views life differently, and has a different air about herself. I feel it happening now. Some days my energy level is the same as that of a 15 year old (I've been told I have a young spirit) and I'm still a goofball,but I must say, I'm off a lot of the shit that some of my peers are still on. I'm past the need to always be the center of attention, to always be attached (being single is really ok. More pepple should try it sometimes. You really will gain perspective), to always having drama in my life. There are more important things to deal with, and that is were my focus is. All in all, I feel more sassy, more courageous, more fabulous (I even cut off all my hair, which I said I'd never do again). I feel growth.
In the words of Shania Twain "Man, I feel like a woman".
Aaah, another year has passed. I'm a year older (29) and, thankfully, a year wiser. Its not quite the end of the year (30 more days for that) but per my usual birthday ritual, I'm in a reflective mood. Thinking about what I've learned, what I've lost, what I've gained, how I've changed (both physically and mentally) and what's to come in the year ahead.
Career
In 2009 I've gone from working a set 8-5 "dream" job to hustling part time at 3, part by force (hello recession!) part by choice (career change) just to pay bills (yea those are just payroll. My real hustles are slowly buildling). Some days its a struggle, but I have to say, I'm happier than I've been in a while. I'd be a fool to say money isn't everything, but, when it comes to pursuing what makes you personally happy, you will gladly sacrifice a few things during your journey.2009 was the year I started the ball rolling. 2010 will be the year of execution.
Friends and Family
Everything that happened with my dad (who's still doing good btw) brought my immediate family closer together (we'd been drifting for a bit) and showed me who my friends where, both new and old. People I never would have expected to care did, and I'm eternally grateful for that (you guys know who you are). Also, I monitor the energy that comes into my life more than ever now. I'm an optimistic at heart, and can find silver lining in any dark cloud so I do my best to surround myself with people who do the same. I'm empathetic to everyones plight, however I cannot take on everyone's issues. I can feel for you, and offer advice if needed, but bc I always look towards the bigger picture, I can only feed into light. Can't do the negativity, and I will do my best to get my friends to the same. Life is so much better when you view the glass as half full instead of half empty. Watch the friends around you and pray that they view it the same way.
Dating
Um yea, still in that desert, lol. Not for lack of trying but, when you know what you want and need in a mate, its truly impossible for you to settle just bc someone thinks you're cute. I pinpointed this year that I'm most attracted to a creative man, one who's involved in music, arts, whatever, that has a passion for what they do. And they MUST, MUST, MUST have personality. A lot. Bc I have a lot. I'm truly a Sag, therefore I bore easily, so if your idea of fun is just chillin on the couch watching movies day in day out, I'm not the girl for you. I like to go out and have fun. I like to wrestle, to dance, to play games. I like an action oriented man (pause lol). Only way I'm content in doing that is if we're still having good conversation, which is another requirement. I believe in truly connecting with people (be it on a friendship or romantic level) so you must keep me engaged and be willing to be open and invest yourself beyond the superficial. I'm interested in too much to keep having the same conversations. I need more. So, until I meet someone that possesses those traits, Ill continue in the desert. I have great platonic male friends to keep me company while I wait.
Me
Hmmm. They say a woman goes through a change when she turns 30. She views life differently, and has a different air about herself. I feel it happening now. Some days my energy level is the same as that of a 15 year old (I've been told I have a young spirit) and I'm still a goofball,but I must say, I'm off a lot of the shit that some of my peers are still on. I'm past the need to always be the center of attention, to always be attached (being single is really ok. More pepple should try it sometimes. You really will gain perspective), to always having drama in my life. There are more important things to deal with, and that is were my focus is. All in all, I feel more sassy, more courageous, more fabulous (I even cut off all my hair, which I said I'd never do again). I feel growth.
In the words of Shania Twain "Man, I feel like a woman".
Monday, November 9, 2009
(____) and the city
"Men as socks. Some men are argyles. Safe socks. This column socks."
For those SATC fans, you should know this is from the episode Unoriginal Sin. Carrie is in a dating desert, therefore she doesn't have any inspiration for her column.
Dear readers, this blogger is in that very desert. Lost. No water. Having hallucinations. My dating life at this moment is nonexistant. When asked who/if I'm dating, you will get silence, a blank stare, and momentarily, a haystack will blow past behind me....
Oh don't get me wrong, I meet guys. I meet cute, fun guys that I can hang with, laugh with. But what I don't meet are guys that are interested in getting to know me past the physical. And that brings me here.
I'm SOOO over the friend/cut buddy "let's kick it, no strings attached" thing. Sometimes, that does serve a purpose (bc every guy that you date doesn't have to be your boyfriend. I'm a true believer in dating all types of guys so that you can determine what you do and don't want from your ultimate mate) but I'm not at that place. I haven't been there in a while. And I guess, maybe if I was actually going out with these people I wouldn't be at that point but geeze louise, if you've read my previous posts, that's not what I'm meeting!! Dates are basically none existant at this point. I mean, I know we're in a recession so I'm not expecting sizzler but what happened to being creative? A walk in the park, meeting at a musuem, a latte, a picnic in the park. I mean really, come on? I like stuff like that and wanna meet guys that do as well...
Now, I do not want this blog to become redundant, where all I talk about is how I'm not going out and having fun. Bc I'm doing that. I have fun with my friends, my fam is doing good, and my career is finally shifting to the direction I want it to go in. But sometimes, at the end of the day, I want somebody I can call and tell my day about. Who I can cook dinner for. Who I can meet for lunch and a walk in a park. I'm a romantic at heart and when you have all of this pint up bc you don't have nobody to share it with, you start going stir crazy! I'm having crazy dreams (1 night I dreamed about dating a rocker, the next I was and was dating a vampire. Wtf is that about? Lol, well, the latter could be bc I recently reand and saw Twilight and loved them both so heeeyyy, maybe it stayed in my subconscious) so somethin has got to give yall!
Hmm, maybe I should do speed dating bc everything that's come my way in the past few weeks (from new guys to old guys that have popped up) have been a bust (if you're reading, sorry but well, I'm jus saying. Step ya game up not jus for me but any other woman you're talking to lol).
I mean, I really don't want to write a post about the perfect french fry just for the sake of writing lol. Pray to the love god's for me... :D)
For those SATC fans, you should know this is from the episode Unoriginal Sin. Carrie is in a dating desert, therefore she doesn't have any inspiration for her column.
Dear readers, this blogger is in that very desert. Lost. No water. Having hallucinations. My dating life at this moment is nonexistant. When asked who/if I'm dating, you will get silence, a blank stare, and momentarily, a haystack will blow past behind me....
Oh don't get me wrong, I meet guys. I meet cute, fun guys that I can hang with, laugh with. But what I don't meet are guys that are interested in getting to know me past the physical. And that brings me here.
I'm SOOO over the friend/cut buddy "let's kick it, no strings attached" thing. Sometimes, that does serve a purpose (bc every guy that you date doesn't have to be your boyfriend. I'm a true believer in dating all types of guys so that you can determine what you do and don't want from your ultimate mate) but I'm not at that place. I haven't been there in a while. And I guess, maybe if I was actually going out with these people I wouldn't be at that point but geeze louise, if you've read my previous posts, that's not what I'm meeting!! Dates are basically none existant at this point. I mean, I know we're in a recession so I'm not expecting sizzler but what happened to being creative? A walk in the park, meeting at a musuem, a latte, a picnic in the park. I mean really, come on? I like stuff like that and wanna meet guys that do as well...
Now, I do not want this blog to become redundant, where all I talk about is how I'm not going out and having fun. Bc I'm doing that. I have fun with my friends, my fam is doing good, and my career is finally shifting to the direction I want it to go in. But sometimes, at the end of the day, I want somebody I can call and tell my day about. Who I can cook dinner for. Who I can meet for lunch and a walk in a park. I'm a romantic at heart and when you have all of this pint up bc you don't have nobody to share it with, you start going stir crazy! I'm having crazy dreams (1 night I dreamed about dating a rocker, the next I was and was dating a vampire. Wtf is that about? Lol, well, the latter could be bc I recently reand and saw Twilight and loved them both so heeeyyy, maybe it stayed in my subconscious) so somethin has got to give yall!
Hmm, maybe I should do speed dating bc everything that's come my way in the past few weeks (from new guys to old guys that have popped up) have been a bust (if you're reading, sorry but well, I'm jus saying. Step ya game up not jus for me but any other woman you're talking to lol).
I mean, I really don't want to write a post about the perfect french fry just for the sake of writing lol. Pray to the love god's for me... :D)
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